And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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