I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
