i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
