i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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