Only a mothe r could love this liver
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Randomize
