you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
