Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
