but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
