lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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