Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
