you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
