idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
