you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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