i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
