they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
