it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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