kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
