I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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