talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
