I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
ttyl tear gas
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sex in the backyard? Check.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
