she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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