my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
