So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
