she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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