Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
