I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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