yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
