I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
