maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
