Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
