so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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