I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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