dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
