carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
