Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
