Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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