dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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