she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
