Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
