take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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