how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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