So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
