really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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