He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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