Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
