I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
