your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i permit you to call me
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
