I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
