Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I have fence marks all over my body
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
