Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
