im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
