I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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