maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
